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My sketch for world's worst novel

I think I'll have it start out by having some lonely and evil geek (let's call him Kevin) to ask an impossible question to the rest of the world, and if it's not answered, the he'll nuke all the major cities unless Bill Gates' wife has sex with him. And because it is an impossible question, they have to hand Melinda Gates over Kevin. But as it turns out, she is charmed by Kevin's boyish ineptitude and collection of prizewinning clams.

The next chapter consists of a paragraph treating their postcoital bliss, and then proceeds to quote — in italics, set in the style that makes nearly any babble take on depth and meaning — the lyrics to the album they listen to for the next forty-five minutes, 2112, by Rush, in their entirety.

The next chapter relates how the fail-safe controls of Kevin's Doomsday device fail, and so nearly all human life is wiped out. The two new dominant life groups on the planet are cockroaches and some bottlenose dolphins that had the luck/sense to swim to New Zealand.

I don't know where I'm going to take it from there. I think the dolphins will initially build the more impressive civilization and marketing schemes, but the surface radiation left over from Doomsday could accelerate the development of the cockroaches to the point where they challenge the dolphin Sea Empire with a combined of advanced weaponry and terrorism by throwing waves of themselves at the enemy. We'll see.

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( 9 comments — Leave a comment )
substitute
Jul. 10th, 2002 11:23 pm (UTC)
I recommend you Clancy it up a bit with the search for Kevin being led by a tough talking, gruff, yet conflicted Navy SEAL/veterinarian/ceramics artist who is brought back by the Agency for One More Mission when he has just happily retired, and who dies with his wife's name on his lips stabbed in the back by the evil mole who has been his sidekick all alone.

Plus you should have a kid in here somewhere.
rpkrajewski
Jul. 11th, 2002 06:52 am (UTC)
Yeah !
I was thinking that I'm not leaving enough room for human characters by bringing on the apocalypse too soon. We could either front-load Kevin's story a little more or we can make some of these guys cockroaches or dolphins, which would be a rewarding challenge.

Because there are no obstacles, only challenges !
sunderance
Jul. 10th, 2002 11:39 pm (UTC)
the lyrics to the album they listen to for the next forty-five minutes, 2112, by Rush

That, in itself, assures you the #1 ranking as "World's Worst Novel".

rpkrajewski
Jul. 11th, 2002 07:02 am (UTC)
It's almost cheating, isn't it ?
sunderance
Jul. 11th, 2002 08:50 am (UTC)
LOL! Yes, it is! I have a friends who loves Rush...I will never understand.
(no subject) - all_askew - Jul. 11th, 2002 05:57 am (UTC) - Expand
rpkrajewski
Jul. 11th, 2002 07:00 am (UTC)
Re: Editing
That sounds a lot like way DEC (or d|i|gi|t|a|l, then Compaq, now HP) Field Circus (Service) used to operate.

We do need some kind of moral, or else William Bennett will be on my case. Maybe something out of Dianetics or The Horse Whisperer will serve as inspiration.
angelofrepose
Jul. 11th, 2002 02:33 pm (UTC)
his collection of clams? so what your saying, then, is that kevin is really a lesbian?
rpkrajewski
Jul. 11th, 2002 02:57 pm (UTC)
Re:
I like that angle ! This stuff writes itself !
( 9 comments — Leave a comment )

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rpkrajewski
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